How Domestic Violence Affects Children: Childhood Trauma, Trust and Future Relationships
Understanding the long-term psychological effects of domestic abuse on children's emotional development, attachment and ability to build healthy relationships.
Reading time: 5 minutes
A child does not need to be physically abused to experience the psychological effects of domestic violence. Growing up in a household where one parent is threatened, controlled, humiliated or physically assaulted can have a lasting impact on a child's emotional development and understanding of relationships.
Domestic abuse is not simply an issue between adults. Children who witness domestic violence are also affected by what happens around them, even when the violence is not directed at them.
But how does childhood exposure to domestic violence affect the way children trust others, develop friendships and form relationships later in life?
How domestic violence affects children's emotional development
Children learn about relationships through everyday experiences. Their first understanding of love, trust, communication and emotional security often develops within the family.
When a child regularly witnesses aggression, intimidation, manipulation or emotional abuse, their understanding of relationships can become distorted.
They may begin to associate love with fear, affection with control, or disagreement with aggression. Some children learn to remain silent to avoid conflict, while others become constantly alert to changes in adults' moods and behaviour.
These experiences can influence emotional regulation, self-esteem and the ability to recognise healthy relationships.
Childhood trauma and difficulties in future relationships
One of the less visible consequences of domestic abuse is its potential impact on future interpersonal relationships.
Children exposed to domestic violence may develop difficulties trusting others, expressing their emotions and establishing healthy emotional boundaries.
As they grow older, some may:
Struggle to trust friends, partners or other adults.
Fear rejection, abandonment or emotional intimacy.
Find it difficult to say no or communicate their personal needs.
Become excessively accommodating to avoid disagreements.
React strongly to criticism, conflict or perceived rejection.
Withdraw from friendships or struggle to maintain stable relationships.
These behaviours are not necessarily signs of poor social skills or deliberate challenging behaviour. They may reflect protective responses developed during childhood, when the environment felt unpredictable or unsafe.
For some young people, even a relatively ordinary disagreement can trigger anxiety or distress because conflict has previously been associated with danger.
How childhood trauma can affect adult relationships
Unresolved childhood trauma can sometimes influence relationships well into adulthood.
Individuals who grew up witnessing domestic abuse may find it difficult to recognise unhealthy relationship dynamics, distinguish affection from control or feel emotionally safe with another person.
Some may tolerate controlling behaviours because they feel familiar. Others may avoid emotional closeness, become excessively dependent on reassurance or struggle to communicate their needs.
Research into childhood victimisation and adult relationships highlights the potential role of attachment, self-worth and early relationship experiences in shaping later interpersonal patterns.
However, it is essential to remember that experiencing domestic violence during childhood does not mean someone will inevitably develop relationship difficulties or repeat abusive patterns.
There is no predetermined future for a child who has experienced trauma.
Why understanding childhood trauma is important
Children need more than physical safety after exposure to domestic abuse. They also need emotional support and opportunities to make sense of their experiences.
This does not mean forcing children to discuss painful memories before they are ready. It means providing safe, consistent and age-appropriate opportunities to express feelings, ask questions and understand that the violence was never their fault.
Parents, carers, teachers and professionals can play an important role in helping children develop healthier expectations of relationships.
Through supportive experiences, children can learn that:
Disagreements do not have to involve aggression or intimidation.
Love should not require control, fear or humiliation.
Their feelings and personal boundaries matter.
They can express their needs without being punished.
Trust can develop through consistency, respect and emotional safety.
Trauma-informed support can help children develop emotional literacy, self-confidence and healthier ways of relating to others.
Breaking the cycle: Helping children build healthy relationships
The long-term effects of domestic violence on children should never be underestimated. Equally, children should never be defined by their traumatic experiences.
Early recognition, appropriate psychological support and safe relationships can help children develop a different understanding of trust, affection and emotional connection.
The most important message is that a difficult childhood does not have to determine someone's future relationships.
Children deserve to grow up knowing that love should never involve fear, control or violence. They deserve the opportunity to experience relationships built on trust, respect and emotional safety.
Where to Find Help and Support (UK)
If you are a child, young person, parent or carer affected by domestic abuse, support is available.
For children and young people
ChildlineFree and confidential support for children and young people under 19.
Call: 0800 1111
Available 24 hours a day.
Website: https://www.childline.org.uk/
For parents, carers and families
NSPCC Helpline
For adults concerned about a child's safety, wellbeing or exposure to domestic abuse.
Call: 0808 800 5000
Website: https://www.nspcc.org.uk/
Family Lives
Parenting advice and emotional support for families experiencing difficulties.
Website: https://www.familylives.org.uk/
For people experiencing domestic abuse
National Domestic Abuse Helpline – Refuge (England)
Free, confidential support for women experiencing domestic abuse.
Call: 0808 2000 247
Available 24 hours a day.
Men's Advice Line
Confidential support for male victims of domestic abuse.
Call: 0808 801 0327
Website: https://mensadviceline.org.uk/
Women's Aid
Information, guidance and access to specialist domestic abuse services.
Website: https://www.womensaid.org.uk/
If a child or someone else is in immediate danger, call 999.
If you are concerned that your online activity is being monitored, consider using a safe device when looking for support.
A final message
Children should never have to learn that love means fear, silence or control.
With the right support, safe relationships and opportunities to understand their experiences, children can develop new ways of relating to themselves and others.
Recovery is possible, and asking for help can be the beginning of a different future.
References and Further Reading
Holt, S., Buckley, H., & Whelan, S. (2008). The impact of exposure to domestic violence on children and young people: A review of the literature. Child Abuse & Neglect, 32(8), 797–810. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chiabu.2008.02.004
Noonan, C. B., & Pilkington, P. D. (2020). Intimate partner violence and child attachment: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Child Abuse & Neglect, 109, 104765. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chiabu.2020.104765
Boonyananth, N., & Swords, L. (2026). A systematic review of the psychosocial mechanism underlying the pathway from intra-familial victimization in childhood to intimate relationship violence in adolescence and adulthood. Trauma, Violence, & Abuse, 27(3), 579–593. https://doi.org/10.1177/15248380251320979
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